On Forbearance

 Greetings,

What is forbearance? Why is he rattling on about it? Why is it so important? Yes, these questions I will answer, or at least I will give you my answers to these questions. I think it is one of those words that is not used anymore, it has gone out of circulation. So, it is a concept that we don't think about anymore. It is one that I have come across in parts of my reading and I think it is one we should consider. This question of forbearance is of importance for our associations with others.

What is Forbearance?

"the quality of being patient and being able to forgive someone or control yourself in a difficult situation" (https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/forbearance)

The Cambridge English Dictionary defines forbearance above. It is the quality of being patient with someone else's issues, or about having some self-control in a difficult situation. The definition is applied either to the effect upon another person or upon the self. The "formal" definition from the Merriam-Webster dictionary applies primarily to the self, and primarily concerns self-control.

"the quality of someone who is patient and able to deal with a difficult person or situation without becoming angry" (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/forbearance)

The focus of forbearance from the definitions above would seem to be on self-control, but primarily in dealing with a difficult person or a difficult situation. Here it is expected that the common expectation of patience and self-control are expressed in forbearance, and if we take this as part of its prime expression then we gain understanding. 

Asked, But Not Given

There is often the situation that a person will beg a person's forgiveness because they have been forgetful and forgotten to bring something, or do something for the other. Yet when it comes to another situation, the same person who was forgiven is impatient with the other person and cannot give the same patience, the same forgiveness, the same forbearance as they were given. The situation is also seen when a person with an illness does a bad thing, they expect forgiveness because of their illness.

“Why forbearance. - You suffer, and demand that we should be forbearing towards you when as a result of your suffering you do wrong to things and to men! But what does our forbearance matter! You, however, ought to be more cautious for your own sake! What a fine way of compensating for your suffering it is to go on and destroy your own judgment! Your revenge rebounds upon you yourself when you defame something; it is your own eye you dim, not that of another: you accustom yourself to seeing distortedly!” Nietzsche, F. (1997) Daybreak: Thoughts on the Prejudices of Morality, Cambridge University Press, Cambridge (Translated by R. J. Hollingdale) p.134:214

Nietzsche would argue that the person with the illness should be more careful, more wary in the situation because they know they have the illness. He argues that by allowing their illness to run rampant, letting it have its way, it destroys their judgement. You begin to see in a distorted fashion, everything is viewed askew, primarily about the things the person can be excused for rather than the things that should be countered, avoided or simply dealt with in a more healthy fashion. Learning from these incidences and applying the learning is a start. 

In another case an individual would have no forbearance for those who act the same, even though they do it themselves. There has to be a line, where the excuses stop and a person takes responsibility for their actions and their situation. A person has to question is whether it is right that forbearance is given.

Is it Right?

Why should a person be given forbearance? How have they earned the right? Is a person given forbearance because they had or have no control at the time, or because the individual who gives it does have control at the time? If it is the latter, then the better for the individual who gives than the one who receives, for the giver certainly is the stronger. What of the question of reciprocity? A person who is given forbearance; in equal measure, should they not also be tolerant and patient with others?

The reciprocity is often not seen. Some are excused while others are not, the same occurs with many parts of our world with many parts of our culture that has developed. People expect to be excused because that is the way they have learned, or that is the way they were brought up, or for other reasons and that is fine according to some. Yet others claim the same, and their methods, their ways of doing things have to be changed, there is no forbearance at all. For some, "they need time to learn", so there is some consideration expected. For others, they are expected to have learned, or to learn it quickly.

Forbearance, like self-control, and patience to which it is intimately related to need to be learned by all; they need to be used by all; for the benefit of all. This is the only way it is going to work. 

What you expect, you should give out to begin with and in return.

Cheers,

Henry.