It Can Happen to Anyone...

Let me tell you a story...

"They were introduced by a mutual acquaintance, the pair of them. They hit it off for a while, found a friendship through the mutual acquaintance and a familiar love of music, books, and feelings about different issues. They shared company, going out together for a social occasion here and there, having a drink and a meal occasionally, with the mutual friend, and sometimes just together.

Due to the connections between them, one of the acquaintances introduced them to a social group that was of of particular interest, took "the new friend" along to some of their events, showed them around, introduced them to some new people. This was all good and fine, except the person's friends had an ill-feeling about "the new friend," so they preferred to stay away. The friends made their concerns known, but they were ignored, lost in the bliss of a new friendship, something that had not happened in a while, the other reacted not realising their friends were trying to protect them.

The meetings between the pair became more intimate. They shared one another's bodies and enjoyed the time that they did, the one thought it was nice, nothing serious, just a bit of fun. They continued to go out for mutual outings going to the social groups. But more time was beginning to be spent alone, behind closed doors, together in intimate circumstances; "the new friend's" choice, they didn't want to share anymore; the individual ignored this possessiveness, lost in the human connection. "The new friend" used their intimate connection as a weapon, knowing that the intimacy between them was something they both craved. 

The one would go to their friend's place alone when "the new friend" was away. Their friend's began noticing changes in the person. There were changes in the way they held themselves, they were somehow smaller; the way they reacted to normal situations, flinching at a touch; defensive to normal questions; there was something going on. The friends asked about "the new friend" and were told everything was "fine," it was still casual, there was nothing to worry about... 

They returned home to find "the new friend" waiting for them on their front doorstep, asking where they had been. At their friends, an innocent reply, and the truth. "The new friend" had been waiting there for ages; "the new friend" never had said anything about coming over previously. Still there was implied guilt. They both go inside. 

"The new friend" talks about plans for the weekend, the other one already had plans; there are accusations of neglect, and disregard, with no consideration that they had not made plans together. "The new friend" forgives them, and says they will just come along; new plans will have to be made. They decide that it is time for dinner, "the new friend" says they will cook as they have brought something over. "The new friend" cooks, something which they like, but the person does not; they eat it to avoid an argument. 

The person has a meeting in the morning, so mentions they need to go to bed, "the new friend" begins to get undressed to join them. They go to bed, in the middle of the night, the person is woken up by "the new friend" molesting them so they can be intimate; the person reminds "the new friend" about the meeting, with little response. The person wakes late the next morning, can't shower alone, ends up late for the meeting, unlike ever before.

They come home and find that "the new friend" is not on the front doorstep. There is a note on the door, explaining how selfish the person has been, "the new friend" will not be back for a while; there is a sense of relief. The person slides back into their old routine for a while. "The new friend" does not make an appearance, does not contact them for a period; they think, "Maybe they are gone." with relief.

Two weeks go by, everything has gotten back to normal. "The new friend" has not been seen at the social group, it would seem that they have made some statements and not impressed some people with their actions. Finally, things are returning to normal... 

Then "the new friend" appears again...

"The new friend" is there at another social group, a sister group of the same. They have made friends with other members of the group. They wave from the other side of the room. The individual gets up and leaves, trying to find a way to escape. They move outside, "the new friend" follows with their new friends in tow, people who the individual knows. The person is cornered, questions are asked, impossible questions to answer without seeming like a selfish individual, or so it would seem. Finally there is an escape back to a group of friends.

No safety in your social group...

"The new friend" is on the street, "happening" to be at the same location at the same time. Of course they would know the places the person would go, they went together to those places when they went out. "The new friend" seems to appear at places more consistently than they should. The person goes to talk to the mutual friend about "the new friend," they will see what they can do; it makes things worse. 

No safety out in public...

"The new friend" is knocking on the door, they want to talk about what happened previously and come to some agreement about what they did wrong. They want to make sure that their friendship was something that they can remember, and make sure that it was not a regret. The person knows what will happen if they let "the new friend" back in their life; it will start all over again.

No safety at home...

The door remains closed. The person thinks and thinks hard about the situation. What is there to do? What can a person do in this situation? "The new friend" is at the front door waiting for them, so there is no way to avoid them that way. They will only turn whatever you say back on you. They will only use whatever you say to worm their way back into your life. The brain freezes from anxiety. How can a person not be safe in their own home from another person?... 

The back door. The stereo is set, and will play until the CDs run out, which will be hours. A light is always left on in the lounge. Pick up keys, put down keys, change clothes, put on shoes, pick up keys, and other personal effects. Go to the back door, open it quietly. Close it quietly. Over the fence through the neighbour's yard. Heart is pounding in their ears... Walk swiftly to a friend's house to seek help."

The sad thing today is that stalking happens. Sometime people get it into their heads that others are more interested in them than they actually are. The problem is that sometimes that other person is too nice to tell them to go away, or maybe they have mental issues of their own which prevents them from doing so. Sometimes the person can take a hint and will leave the person alone, the problem happens when they can't and don't. Stalking results when one person ends up following the other around, trying to encourage them to be interested in them by invading their life. 

Now, read this story again, with the protagonist as a male... because this is my story...

Men get stalked too. Regardless of the situation, the injury or the activity. It occurs to all. Colouring or gendering such things does not help. Statistics will show one picture or another, it all depends on who wants to show what, hence there are no statistics to show, women stalking men, or men stalking women, or even men stalking men, or women stalking women. There will be evidence for all of them present. Statistics can be twisted this way and that to suit whoever finds them. Stalking happens to all types of people, regardless of their gender. 

Think before you make statements. There is always another story that you have not heard, a battle that another has fought, or is fighting. For once it would be nice if we could treat everyone with the same kindness and respect that we all expect.

Cheers,

Henry.